Trying to heal

As I have been trying to grow from the pain I've suffered, I have been doing a whole lot of nothing. But I have been struggling through to make a change, to some how feel better. If not for myself, then for my husband and son. I have been listening to more music lately. The songs of healing as well as wallowing, because sometimes you just need to be immersed wholly in the feeling. To acknowledge the sadness. Give it voice. That maybe it may one day be heard and understood. And maybe released. Here is the song I've always been moved by, but now in my grieving I find it hauntingly soothing.

by Sarah McLachlan
Angel

Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction
oh beautiful release
memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty
oh and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting
keep on building the lies
that you make up for all that you lack

It don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe
in this sweet madness
oh the glorious sadness
that brings me to my knees

In the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here

You're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here


I suppose this song suits me almost completely, with the exception of the "dark cold hotel room" which I liken to the dark cold of my mind and heart. So often I visit sites similar to this, and everyone is so able to talk with beautifully kind and light words to describe their loss, their memories, etc. I am not at that point yet, but I hope to get there some day. So until then, I will share the dark path that I am walking, because I know that people have been there. And maybe if I share my sadness and despair someone else won't feel as alone as I do.